Chloe Jad
2 min readJul 20, 2021

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Here I am in all my glory: slouched at my desk, Twizzler in mouth, listening to Nirvana’s Dumb while I search deep inside for the will to begin my college essays.

The future is infinitely exciting to me — and equally as horrifying. What is the future anyway? Where am I going, and in the end, what’s really the point? It’s usually around that second question that I begin to nosedive into an existential crisis, but there’s no time for that! College 650-word essays await.

I’ve handed the Twizzlers over to my best friend Divya, sitting five feet away on my bedroom floor, studiously typing away at her own essays.

Personally, I have now switched to Pringles. They have provided no further motivation than the Twizzlers. Shame.

Again, I find myself asking why it’s so hard to BEGIN? This seems to happen to me perpetually: I get extremely excited and instantaneously inspired by the idea of something, but then the action of the idea slaps all the ambition clean out of my body. I know that it’s that fear again, the fear of failure, the special plague of the human race that hinders all that is good and all that could be good.

It’s times like these where I have to tell myself to JUST GO (see first post…).

The funny thing is, when I finally suck it up and actually begin, I just take off, making all the prior anxieties ridiculous and exposing fear for the waste of time it is.

But don’t get me wrong, I’ll go through the same exact crisis the next day.

When it comes to college, however, I need to let the excitement take over and guide everything I do from now and through senior year. I should be excited! It’s the beginning of the beginning of my life.

Funny thing is, writing is my strongest and most favorite suit, yet I still shy away from the thought of college essays. I feel as though I can physically write them no problem, but the true fear-factor is coming up with the magnificent and elusive concept that my words have to stand upon, or rather prop up. Maybe it’s actually a deeper fear of confronting myself, and discovering I’m not actually all that interesting. Or, maybe, it is the simple fact that those 600-something words hold the power to my entire collegiate future. Just a guess.

Currently chomping down on another rubbery red vine with a refreshed resolve to take hold of my future.

Yay, COLLEGE!

Exciting!

Okay, starting now!

Now!

Going!

Going!

Gone!

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Chloe Jad

Writing to preserve people, places, & thoughts in time.